I have disappeared into Hogwarts. Yesterday was disappointing and my depression has been pretty bad the past few days. I found out that many benefits are out of reach, and that disability can’t even be applied for until you have some form of a concrete diagnosis. My PCP, so far, wouldn’t give me anything or even look at my back. He had my twist, (attempt to) touch my toes, and lift my legs — but he didn’t even look at my spine, not even a scoliosis test. So, I don’t know. I should be getting my X rays read tomorrow, as long as there’s no mistakes between the lab and my doctor.
I read almost all of The Sorcerer’s Stone yesterday and started Chamber of Secrets this morning. I have been crying through almost every chapter, as I am a sentimental fool and also fragile. I wish there were more books. I really cannot explain how good it feels to completely remove myself from this world and return to school for witchcraft and wizardry.
Got out of bed a little earlier this morning than others. My upper back starts to spasm, sometimes, after a night of overcompensating for the potentiality of lower back agony. So I wound up on the couch around 7am or so with the cats. It smells like heat in the house right now, which I love. With twinkle lights around the windows and the smell of a hot radiator, it’s really starting to feel like the holidays are happening around me even if I’m not playing an active part. Struggling with how to handle holiday gifts this year.
Getting my X rays read on Wednesday.
Cried a lot after seeing if I could qualify for SNAP or disability in New York.